You have probably noticed that Backchatting Books has been quiet lately. It’s not because I’ve fallen out of love with reading or even blogging but because I’ve been busy contributing to the world’s overpopulation. You’re welcome.
Joking aside, I’m 31 weeks into a fairly difficult pregnancy and life is a tad…complicated.
I’d seen the movie Transformers and watched Captain Planet as a kid so I figured having a baby was a bit like that. I thought the baby and I would combine our respective powers and I’d morph into this superwoman that could tackle anything with her own kickass theme song. Out of milk? Not any more. Take the rubbish out? Already done it. Stop a gang of bank robbers? Yawn. World peace? Ha, piece of cake.
Baby on the brain
I waddle around in a perpetually confused state with occasional moments of clarity and am unable to construct a coherent thought that doesn’t revolve around the baby. I daydream over whether it is a boy or a girl (I’m keeping it a surprise), what colour eyes it will have and whether the cute button nose I spotted on the ultrasound will stay. I interrupt people at work who are trying to talk about work related things (silly people) to inform them of my little hitch-hiker’s movements. I’m convinced they are dying to know that my baby is the smartest, cutest, sweetest, [insert excessively complimentary adjective] baby there is, almost as if women haven’t been giving birth to awesome little beings for hundreds of thousands of years. Should you happen to come across a pregnant lady lady like me, I strongly advise you not to make eye contact as she’ll probably view that as encouragement. Smile vaguely to look non-threatening and just back away slowly. Alternatively toss a chocolate bar her way to sidetrack her – you’ll have a friend for life providing she doesn’t forget that a) there was chocolate and b) where it came from.
A couple of weekends ago I lost my brand new car. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I was looking for the car I had just traded in. Nope, nup, hell no. I was looking for the car I had sold back in 2009 for no logical reason! I wandered around the car park randomly pressing the button on my car key. I eventually found one whose lights went on when I pressed the button but my first thought was ‘oh my God, someone has stolen my keys and replaced them with someone else’s’. When I saw my house keys on the key ring I figured that there was something far more sinister at play. The car manufacturer had clearly stuffed up its security measures and given two cars the exact same electromagnetic wave thingies. I was busy composing a sharply worded letter of complaint in my head while pressing the button and watching the car in front of me lock and unlock. It took me a good 5 minutes to process that the car was actually mine. D’oh!
- Morning sickness doesn’t just happen in the morning
- Everyone has an opinion and the fact that they do, shows they care
- Never say ‘can my ankles/feet/belly get any bigger?’ They can and they will
- Don’t let people tell bad jokes near you as you’ll spend far too much time running to the bathroom
- You don’t have to be perfect